Sometimes you really can’t help it. Plans change. And as much as you want to be there and witness your close friend or relative walk down the aisle, it just won’t work out this time. That’s okay! For sure, the bride and groom will understand, but you have to do your role as an invited guest and follow the proper etiquette in case you can’t make it to the wedding last minute. What is the proper wedding etiquette for sudden attendance cancellation? Read on to find out.

(1) Update the wedding planner of family member who is keeping track of RSVPs.

The moment you’re certain that you can’t attend the wedding, contact the wedding planner or the family or friend who is tasked with keeping track of the RSVPs. You’ll find his or her number in the invitations. This will allow him or her to make the necessary adjustments or changes and coordinate with the affected wedding vendors. But also make sure to let the person in charge of RSVPs know that you want to be the one to inform the couple.

[From: Classic Elegance Fills This All-White Hotel Wedding / Photo: Aupho Wedding]

(2) Update the couple.

Right after you talk to the wedding coordinator or family member handlings RSVPs, prepare to inform the couple. You may choose any medium of correspondence–text, email, message–what matters more is your message and how you break the news. This leads us to the next point on what to include in your message aside from just informing the soon-to-weds.

[From: A Charming Baby Blue Outdoor Garden Wedding / Photo: Jeremy Wong]

(3) Politely apologize.

When you update the couple, be polite and extend your apologies not only for being unable to attend, but also because of the late notice. This way, you are able to show them that you’re aware of the time, effort, and resources put into the wedding as well as your slot. In your message, let the couple know and feel that you truly are sorry for missing the celebration and the potential inconveniences brought about by your late notice.

[From: This Bride Wore a Modern Qipao During Her Intimate Wedding at The Murray / Photo: Fermat Photography]

(4) Send a gift.

Even if you won’t be there, you definitely can send over a gift and a letter with all your well wishes for the couple. They will appreciate the gesture and feel your genuine concern about not being able to make it. While this is not a requirement, it is a good practice and a meaningful act of affection and support for the newly weds.

[From: A Romantic Hong Kong Wedding with The Most Stunning Floral Decorations / Photo: KC Chan Photography]

(5) Greet the couple again after the celebration.

Once the bride and groom are declared husband and wife, do send them another message congratulating them. You may also include well wishes once again and how you still wish you could have been there in person. Focus on them, their love, and your unwavering support for the duo even from far away. The newly weds will know your true and genuine care despite not being present on the wedding.

[From: A Scenic and Romantic Wedding at Amtarda Overlooking the Mountains / Photo: White Label Photo]

These five steps will help you gently break the sad news to the bride and groom about you not being able to attend the wedding, while expressing your love and support for them. Of course, we do hope you will never have to cancel last minute!