Marriage is built on love–surely, we all know this. Love binds husband and woman and paves the way for a shared journey through life’s greatest moments. More importantly, love is the powerful force that carries couples through even the most challenging times. But did you know that each person expresses and recognizes love differently? One person’s expression of love can differ from another person’s and in some cases, this can be a source of conflict in marriages. Think of this scenario: what if you’re expressing love everyday to your spouse but he or she is not receiving or recognizing it?
Today we’re talking about one of the keys to effectively communicating love with your partner: knowing your love languages. You might be wondering, what are love languages? Love languages define the different ways in which people express and receive love. Love can easily be lost in communication if the giver expresses love in a way that the receiver can’t recognize or understand as an action of love. Hence, it’s important to know your love language and the love language of your spouse. Moreover, knowing how to best express your love to your spouse is a basic building block behind lasting marriage. There are five kinds of love languages. Read on to figure out what your spouse’s love language is and find out what you can do to express your love more effectively to him or her. Scroll on; let’s begin.
People with words of affirmation as their love language value verbal encouragement, compliments, and words of appreciation, whether written or spoken. If this is your partner’s love language, he or she feels most loved through any form of verbal affirmation.
What you can do:
- Say “I love you” more often.
- When he or she is having a rough day, make him or her feel better with encouraging phrases like, “You did your best, Sweetie,” or “I’m still proud of you no matter what.”
- Write him or her love letters or send surprise cards every now and then.
If this is your partner’s love language, it means that you should express love through physical actions. People with this love language also deem non-verbal affection as a vital source of love–a hug, a kiss, holding hands, and so on.
What you can do:
- Show physical affection more often–a simple smack or hug can go a long way.
- Prioritize intimacy even when life gets busy.
- Hold hands a lot!
Some people love to give gifts. They see thoughtful gift giving as a sign of love and appreciation so they take the time and effort to look for something extra special for loves ones. In turn, they also love to receive thoughtful gifts. To them, thoughtful gifts signify a person’s genuine feelings. Upon discovering that this is your partner’s love language, you can start listing out things you know he or she loves and give these to him or her.
What you can do:
- Birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries–use these opportunities to give your spouse extra thoughtful gifts.
- Consider simple surprise gifts–like flowers or his or her favorite food–that reflect thoughtfulness on other ordinary days.
- Express your gratitude when you receive a gift to affirm your spouse’s efforts too.
This love language is all about helping others. People with this love language see acts of service as acts of love. A partner with this love language will often offer to do the dishes, make your morning coffee, pick up the laundry even if it’s out of the way, etc. If there’s one thing you should remember for a spouse with this love language it is: actions speak louder than words
What you can do:
- Offer to do chores.
- Be mindful of things that overwhelm your partner and step in to assist.
- Think ahead and do tasks before him or her. For example, if you see that your partner’s car is dirty, without him or her even asking, take the car to the car wash already.
A partner with quality time as his or her love language feels most loved when he or she given undivided time and attention. Aside from taking the time to make meaningful experiences together, people with this love language will look for active listening and complete presence when you are together.
What you can do:
- Be truly present when talking to your spouse.
- Set aside time to talk together daily, maybe it be through a 10-minute morning walk where you share the plans of the day or a recapping the day’s events over a glass of wine.
- Plan special getaways together to where you can spend quality time without distractions from work or other things.
